Imagine this: a student slams their book shut, arms crossed, eyes full of frustration. A toddler screams in the grocery store aisle. A coworker goes quiet in meetings and stops replying to messages. What do all these actions have in common? They’re speaking. Not with words—but with behavior. We often view behavior as something to correct, control, or fix. But what if, instead, we saw it for what it truly is: a form of communication?
Behavior Happens for a Reason
Every action we take carries a message. Children especially show us this truth. When they’re tired, overwhelmed, or scared, they don’t say, “Excuse me, I’m dysregulated right now.” They yell, cry, hit, or shut down. It’s not because they’re trying to be difficult—it’s because they’re trying to be heard. And adults? We do it too.
- The partner who slams the door isn’t just mad—they may feel dismissed.
- The employee who withdraws may be overwhelmed or unsure of their role.
- The friend who suddenly ghosts could be hurting and unsure how to open up.
Behavior Speaks Louder Than Words
When someone’s behavior shifts, the question isn’t just “Why are they acting like this?” It’s “What are they trying to tell me that they might not have words for?” This shift in thinking opens the door to empathy. It helps us respond with curiosity rather than judgment. It invites us to connect, rather than correct. On the flip side, introspection into what your behaviors are telling people around you can help with furthering connection and understanding of yourself and others. Catch for inconsistencies with your words and your actions. Always promising to get to something done around the house, but never completing it? What are you telling yourself and others around you in that scenario? Consistently running late to work though telling your boss you will be on time going forward? All those behaviors say something. Be mindful of what you are communicating.
The Takeaway
Whether you’re a parent, a teacher, a leader, or a friend, remember this: Behavior is a language.
It may not always be easy to understand, but it’s always saying something.
The next time someone’s actions catch you off guard, try pausing and asking, “What are they trying to tell me?” The next time your actions don’t align with what your verbal communication said, try pausing and ask “What am I telling them? Because when we learn to listen differently, we begin to connect more deeply.
Behaviors are telling. Watch for them in others. Watch for them in yourself.